Helping Children Cope with Divorce / Edward Teyber. [print]

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PennsylvaniaRT ONE : IndianaTRODUCTION -- You can help your children successfully adjust to divorce -- The changing American family -- The effects of divorce on children -- Divorce is painful for parents.

PennsylvaniaRT TWO : CHILDREN'S ColoradoNCERNS DURING THE BREAKUP -- Divorce causes separation anxieties: "If dad left, won't mom go away too?" -- The causes of children's separation anxieties -- How martial separation threatens children's attachments -- Explaining a trial separation -- When abuse has occurred -- Children want to reunite their parents: "If I'm really good, maybe mom and dad will get back together again." -- Three sources of reunification fantasies -- Explaining the permanence of divorce to children -- Children feel responsible for the divorce: "Maybe if I had been good, mom and dad wouldn't have gotten a divorce." -- Why children feel responsible -- Guidelines for talking with children about the divorce responding to sadness.

PART THREE : GuamIDELINES FOR PennsylvaniaRENTS -- Parental conflict and cooperation -- Protecting children from parental hostilities -- Expressing parental conflicts through the children -- Ending the marriage -- Children need their mothers and fathers -- Children often lose both parents through divorce -- The adverse consequences when father is unavailable -- Gender differences in the effects of divorce -- Fathering after divorce -- Custody, mediation, and the courts -- The history of custody determinations -- Joint custody and other alternatives -- Resolving disputes through mediation.

PennsylvaniaRT FOUR : CHILD-REARING AFTER DIVORCE -- Loyalty conflicts -- Loyalty conflicts tear children apart -- Why parents make their children choose -- Understanding family coalitions and alliances -- An agreement for parental cooperation -- Parentification: turning children into adults -- Three types of parentification -- The adverse consequences for parentifying children -- Why parentification occurs -- Assessing parentification in your family -- Child-rearing practices -- Three approaches to discipline -- Discipline after divorce -- Child-rearing guidelines for divorced parents -- Step-families: forming new family relationships -- The bias against step-families -- Children's reactions to step-family formation -- Three styles of stepparenting -- Forming a successful step-family.

Each year more than one million children in the U.S. are affected by the dark reality of divorce. Nevertheless, assures child psychologist Teyber, who teaches psychology at California State University at San Bernardino, parents can ameliorate the harsh impact by addressing their children's concerns with sensitivity and compassion. Among the difficulties he covers are children's separation anxiety at a parent's departure; guilt feelings ("If I was good . . ."); and fantasies of reuniting Mom and Dad. Teyber also discusses custody disputes and arrangements, post-divorce parenting concerns and step-parenting. Urging parents to watch for and respect their children's responses to the alterations of divorce, he offers an understanding guide to negotiating this disturbing process.

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